


fire

by straydelights



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Flashbacks, Hurt No Comfort, Kim Seungmin-centric, M/M, Metaphors, Minor Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Minor Violence, Post-Break Up, They are professionals, lovers to strangers, seungbin are best friends, the world needs more seungsung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-05 17:55:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21212711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/straydelights/pseuds/straydelights
Summary: it was a love that no fire can ever lit again. a love that completely lost its spark.





	fire

**Author's Note:**

> hi there! i've been thinking about writing this since 2017 and i finally made it happen this 2019.
> 
> by the way, fire here is a metaphor for inspiration, happiness, pain, and intensity of feelings.
> 
> that's all. enjoy reading!

Home.

It was the first thought that came into Seungmin's mind as soon as the plane landed in Korea.

After 12 years of studying medicine and living in Los Angeles, at last, he's finally home for good.

With luggage in both of his hands, Seungmin walked to the exit of the airport with a huge grin on his face. From a distance, he can already see his best friend, Changbin, waiting for him at the barricaded arrival area with a placard that says "W_elcome home, Seungmin ugly!_"

Seungmin rolled his eyes at the placard, but it was immediately replaced with a chuckle. He admits that he really missed his Changbin hyung despite their constant bickering.

"Minnie or should I say... Doctor Kim, I missed you!" Changbin hugged him as a greeting as soon as Seungmin got near him. "It's been so long! How are you?"

Seungmin pretended to be disgusted. "Quit it, Architect Seo! You're annoying me!"

"Oh, I am?" Changbin laughed and messed up with Seungmin's hair. "Kidding aside, you're still the same old Kim Seungmin."

Seungmin laughed along with Changbin and felt at peace. This is what he truly missed the most while he was gone in Korea for 12 years. The feeling of warmth and familiarity especially from his loved ones.

"Anyway, I'm doing great, Binnie hyung! Los Angeles is a wonderful country and I enjoyed living there." Seungmin responded to what Changbin asked earlier. "How about you? I can see that you're doing great with your life as well."

"Indeed, I am and hello? Who wouldn't have a blast in that one hell of an amazing country?" Changbin replied before turning to him with a pout. "Now tell me, did you or did you not forget about me, your best friend, for the new friends you have met in Los Angeles? Be honest." He asked while looking at him with suspicious eyes.

Seungmin just heaved a sigh. Despite being both professionals in their own fields now, some things just never change even as time goes by. Old habits really die hard. If he's still the same Seungmin then Changbin hasn't changed a bit too. He's still the same old but childish Changbin.

"Seriously, Binnie hyung? Why are we even friends?"

"Because you love me?"

"In your dreams, hyung." Seungmin retorted and sticks his tongue out at him. "Now, enough talking and let's go. My dad's already waiting for me at the hospital." He said the last words with bitterness dripping in his voice like acid.

"Oh! You're right."

The two quickly went to the lot where Changbin parked his car. He pressed the alarm from his key first before proceeding to help Seungmin in loading his luggage at the car's compartment. 

Once they're done with seungmin's stuffs, the two put on their seatbelts as Changbin started the car's engines.

The ride to the hospital was surprisingly quiet. Neither of the two were saying anything. Seungmin is quiet because of the jet lag from his 42-hour trip. Meanwhile, the Changbin at the airport a while ago was already gone. Seriousness is now etched on his face as he maneuvered the engines.

Not used to this kind of ambience, Seungmin decided to crack a joke. "What's with the grumpy face, Binnie hyung? You're gonna look like an old grandfather at that. It doesn't suit you." 

There was no response from him. But after a few moments, Changbin finally broke the deafening silence between them.

"Seungmin?" Changbin hesitantly spoke, eyes still concentrated on the road. "Can i ask you a question?"

"You're already asking, hyung." Seungmin lazily drawled, eyes closed because of the jet lag. But deep inside, he's actually masking the nervousness he's feeling because Changbin rarely gets this serious.

"I'll be frank with you. Are you... still in love with Jisung or have you moved on already?"

Seungmin suddenly felt himself stiffening because of the question.

Something wet immediately started forming at the corner of his eyes and he quickly bit his lips. For the last 12 years, he did nothing but make sure that he's occupied and busy in all aspects of his life especially his studies and internship while he was in Los Angeles so he would not have any time to think about Jisung.

Is he still in love with him? Has he moved on from him already? The answer is yes, he's still in love with him. And no, because he still hasn't moved on even a bit.

It's been already 12 years, but nothing changed. Even after everything that happened, his heart still belong and will only belong to one person.

It took Seungmin a while to answer. "Oh come on, Changbin hyung! It's been so long. Of course, I moved on already!" He lied and faked a laugh.

Changbin didn't respond. He just nodded and focused on the road while driving.

On the other hand, Seungmin bit his lips hard to the point that it'll bleed anytime soon just to stop his tears from completely betraying him. No, he can't cry. Not in front of Changbin. Not when he just lied about his feelings and told him that he already moved on from Jisung.

Feeling an excruciating pain in his chest, all the memories he's been trying so hard to forget and bury in the past, one by one, came back to him all at once like a huge wave crashing in the sea.

***

"Am I even going to finish this term?" Seungmin grunted and messed up his hair in frustration. "Or maybe this term is the one who will finish me first."

Seungmin let out a distressed sigh and slowly laid his head on the table. It's been already hours since he sat down on one of the vacant cafeteria tables to study, but he's still stuck in a certain chapter of the book he's reading.

This is one of his major subject and he has an upcoming examination in two days. But up to this hour, he still couldn't move on to the next chapters because of the difficult and nerve-wracking terms. More importantly, it's not helping that the constant buzzing of the students inside the cafeteria is distracting him.

"The CNS stands for central nervous system while the CRH stands for cortico- ah, damn it!" Seungmin messed up his hair for the nth time as he tried going back to memorizing the terms when he suddenly felt a pair of hands on his shoulders.

"You might want to eat first, Seungmin? Since you're in the cafeteria already." A warm breath whispered on his right ear which turns out to be his boyfriend, Jisung.

Seungmin could feel his heart racing. Jisung's whisper is tickling his ears and the way he holds him is full of gentleness like he's a fragile crystal that might break anytime. They've been together for almost a year already and yet he still gets excited over sweet and simple moments like these with Jisung.

"Oh! I completely forgot about it. Got a major exam in Anatomy and Physiology and my dad's gonna kill me if I screw this up." Seungmin explained as he lets himself drown into Jisung's touch.

Jisung kisses Seungmin's head and inhaled the scent of his hair while shaking his head in disapproval. "That's probably the reason why you're having a hard time studying."

"You think so, Sungie?"

"Yeah. It's better if you eat first, Minnie."

"You're acting like a nagging mom again."

Jisung just shrugged off the remark and removed his hands on Seungmin's shoulders which disappointed the latter because he's still enjoying the feeling of Jisung's warmth and gentleness. But of course, he won't ever admit it.

"I'll order for us. Don't worry, it's on me."

Seungmin's eyes widened and he tried to stop his boyfriend. "Oh no, Sungie! You don't have to. I can manage."

"I want to." Jisung insisted.

"But I told y-" Seungmin wasn't able to finish his sentence because Jisung already cut him off from saying more.

"No more buts, okay?" Jisung said with conviction before going to the cashier area to order their foods.

Seungmin just heaved a sigh. He knows he couldn't do anything about it because Jisung is one hell of a stubborn kid. He isn't sure if he'll be flattered or annoyed with what his boyfriend just did. A gentleman, yes. But Jisung is a scholar in their university and he's aware that his family is struggling financially yet he's still doing this for him even when he can manage himself.

After a few moments, Jisung came back to their table with two trays in his hand.

Seungmin closed the book he was reading and decided to eat. Jisung is right. It's actually been hours since he had last eaten and now he can feel his stomach grumbling. When he went to the cafeteria earlier to study, he completely forgot about the world because he was occupied with his book.

"Help yourself, okay? Reviewing is useless if your stomach is empty." Jisung said with a smile. "But in the first place, why are you here? This isn't a decent study area."

"Well, the library is already packed when I got there." Seungmin replied with a chuckle before munching on his food. "By the way, how's everything going for you lately?" He asked in the middle with concern laced in his voice.

Jisung chewed and swallowed his food first before responding. "Just the usual. Trying to make ends meet everyday and studying hard to repay my family's sacrifice."

"And I know you're doing great, Jisung." Seungmin said with a hint of adoration as he reached for Jisung's right hand and intertwined it with his.

Jisung kissed Seungmin's knuckles. "Thank you, Seungmin. What will I ever do in my life without you?"

Seungmin playfully smacked Jisung. "Stop with the cheesy lines and eat! I don't wanna end up in the dean's office!" He said and chuckled.

"I'm serious, Minnie. I don't think I'll be able to go this far if you weren't by my side." Jisung said, his eyes never leaving Seungmin's. "You're the fire that keeps me going to strive harder and do better everyday."

If only time would stop for the two of them. Seungmin silently wishes for it to happen so he can cherish his and Jisung's moments more, but he knows that these wishes will all just be in vain.

As soon as the result of Seungmin's examination came out, he was asked to tell his father about it immediately.

"Satisfactory? Really? Is this the best you can do?!" Were the words that came out of his father's mouth as soon as he saw the result.

Seungmin let out an exasperated sigh before explaining. "Dad, I really did my best. Believe me. But the exam-" His father didn't even give him the chance to finish what he's saying.

"Was what? Difficult?! I don't accept such an absurdity!" 

"Dear... try to understand our son." His mother tried to cover for him. "Maybe the exam was real-" But it was of no use as well.

"Don't try to meddle with this!" Her husband retorted. "In this household, there are no rooms for failure and a failure son. Do you understand me?!"

Seungmin nodded but it wasn't enough as a response for his father.

"One day, you will become a well-known doctor like me and you will carry on my reputation for the family. Do you understand, Kim Seungmin?!"

"Yes. I understand, Dad."

Seungmin watched his father storm out of his room while his mother looked at him with utmost concern. He just smiled in return to assure her that everything is fine.

Meanwhile, his older sister who has been quiet the whole time went to him and consoled him with an embrace.

"Dad's gone too far again." Seungmin's older sister whispered as she played with his hair. "I'll try to knock some sense into him later, don't worry."

But seungmin could only shake his head. "It's alright, noona. I'm already used to this set-up."

"What? No, this isn't right! Listen seungmin, I don't want you to be miserable like what happened to me because I followed all of dad's expectations." His sister replied with a hint of unshed tears in her eyes. "I want you to be truly happy with your life."

"I told you I'll be fine, noona. Don't worry or dad might get mad at you too. I don't want that to happen."

"I'm still going to try to knock some sense into him." His sister said firmly. "But for now, you should take a rest."

Seungmin nodded. "I will. See you later at dinner, noona."

"Rest well, dongsaeng."

Seungmin watched as his sister left his room. When he was already out of his sight, he lied in his bed and stared at the ceiling thinking about his life in a nutshell. Groomed to follow his father's footsteps as a well-known doctor in the field of medicine, it's useless to go against his domineering father who wanted nothing but perfection in everything. But is achieving perfection even possible when nobody's really perfect in the first place?

Life actually sucks for Seungmin. But despite everything that's happening, he's still thankful that life gave him happiness in the form of Han Jisung.

"You know what? I really don't like your father, Seungmin." Changbin said as soon as he heard what happened. "He's so unrealistic and authoritative!"

"My father doesn't like you too so the feeling is mutual." Seungmin replied followed by a laughter.

"Hey!"

Seungmin and Changbin are currently at the rooftop, spending their free time with sight-seeing as they talk about life.

"Care to tell me what's funny?" A voice emerged. "It's no fun when it's only the two of you knows!"

Changbin's expression turned into a poker face. "Oh. The boyfriend's here."

It's jisung who just had his free time and immediately went to the rooftop that Seungmin texted a while ago.

"You're just jealous, Binnie hyung!" Jisung teased.

"Shut up, squirrel!" Changbin retaliated. "How did you even get in here?"

"I climbed up the stairs and opened the rooftop door?"

Seungmin looked at the two. It wasn't enough that he and Changbin always bicker whenever they're together. Jisung's pretty into it as well.

"Anyway, I'm leaving you love birds here. I still have an organization meeting." Changbin stood up from the floor he was sitting. "I'll see you two later. Minnie, don't tell him what we were laughing about!"

"Bye, baby Changbin! You're no fun!"

"Bye, Binnie hyung!"

"Whatever you say, Han Jisung!" Changbin replied before closing the door and disappearing from their sight.

"What were you and Changbin hyung laughing about?" Jisung asked and pinched Seungmin's nose.

Seungmin sticks his tongue out at Jisung. "It's for us to know and for you to find out." He replied and laughed at Jisung's priceless expression.

Jisung pouted. "What? Come on, you're no fun just like Changbin hyung!" 

Seungmin also pouted before answering Jisung's question. "The result of the exam in one of my major subjects already came out and I only got satisfactory."

"Tell me more about it?"

"As always, my father couldn't understand that the exam was difficult not just for me but for the whole class." Seungmin rolled his eyes in annoyance as he emphasized the word difficult. "He was disappointed. Big time."

"But satisfactory? That's already high especially if it is a major subject." Jisung pointed out.

"Yeah, but you know my father. He doesn't settle for less. He wants everything to be perfect!" Seungmin stood up and kicked the empty bottle he saw on the ground. "I hate my father and Binnie hyung hates him too."

"Then I hate him too, Minnie."

"Seriously, Sungie? What is this? All for one and one for all?"

"You could say that." Jisung chuckled as he pinched Seungmin's nose again. "But reality check, you're already perfect, Seungmin."

"Perfect in my eyes and for me." He added and winked.

Seungmin suddenly felt his cheeks boiling because of the cheesy remark. He playfully punched Jisung's arm, praying he wouldn't notice that he's getting all giddy despite it being cringe-worthy.

Jisung just laughed and tried catching Seungmin's hands that kept on throwing punches at him. When he finally did, he immediately intertwined their fingers.

Seungmin couldn't help but notice how their hands perfectly fit when intertwined.

"But seriously speaking, I know you're always doing your best in everything, Seungmin. I'm proud of you. Remember that." Jisung whispered and pulled Seungmin into a tight embrace.

"Thank you, Jisung." Seungmin replied and Jisung planted a kiss on his lips.

Seungmin closed his eyes to feel Jisung's lips on his. It was just a peck as light as a feather on the lips, but Seungmin's sure that he'll remember the kiss they shared here in the rooftop for a lifetime.

If he is the fire that keeps Jisung going to strive harder and do better then Jisung is the fire that lights up his whole world.

Playing with fire has always been dangerous but he doesn't care. As long as it is Han Jisung, he'll take the risk and burn happily.

If it is even possible, Seungmin just wants moments like these with Jisung to continue and last forever. But it seems like fate has other plans for them.

It was a normal day in university or that's what Seungmin thought. Little did he know that this was the day where his constant source of happiness will be taken away from him in a blink of an eye.

On that day, he had no idea that his father was there as one of the guest speakers of an orientation for freshmen students.

"Let's cut classes, Sungie." Seungmin jokingly said out of nowhere.

The two are currently walking in the hallway, holding hands, since most of the students and faculty staffs are not around because of the orientation that took place.

Jisung's eyes widened. He abruptly stopped walking to touch Seungmin's forehead and check his temperature.

"Is that really you, Minnie? The Seungmin I know and love would never say that!" Jisung asked in disbelief while laughing. "I'm not a med student, but I think you have a fever!"

"Of course, I'm just kidding!" Seungmin also laughed along. "Look at your priceless expression. Tell me, you did want to cut classes right?" He teased and pinch Jisung's side.

"Sorry but I'm a good and model student of the music department. I don't cut cla-" Jisung didn't get to finish what he's saying.

"What is the meaning of this, Kim Seungmin?!" It was a voice that Seungmin knew all too well.

Seungmin slowly turned to look at the owner of the voice and to his horror, it was indeed his father who saw everything that happened and is now looking at the two of them with fuming madness in his eyes.

His first instinct was to go to Jisung and hide him from his father to protect him.

"D-Dad? What are you-" He wasn't able to finish his sentence.

"I should be the one asking you that! What are you doing with that son of a bitch?!"

At that moment, Seungmin saw red. He can go and insult him all he wants, but he will never let his beloved be called that.

"Don't call him that!"

Seungmin's response angered his father more and people witnessing the scene started gathering around.

"And now, you're disrespecting me?!" His father yelled with so much anger in his voice. "Just who the hell is this son of a bitch in your life?!"

"I won't let you call my boyfriend that!" Seungmin fired back without hesitation.

"What? Your boyfriend?" His father's voice raised even more. "Tell me... is he the reason why you're not concentrating on your studies?!"

"Of course no-" Seungmin didn't finish what he's saying because his own father just slapped him in front of many people.

Seungmin felt the pain of the mark his father's slap left on his face, but he didn't give a damn about it anymore. Jisung's eyes widened and he decided to face Seungmin's father.

"With all due respect, sir, we can talk-" Jisung didn't finish what he's saying because Seungmin's father pulled his son away from him and threw a punch on his face.

Jisung closed his eyes and felt blood trickling from his lower lip. Seungmin, on the other hand, started crying as he witnessed the love of his life getting beaten up and tried to go near Jisung, but he gestured him not to and smiled to assure him that he's alright even when he's clearly not.

His father didn't stop at that. He kept on throwing punches and kicks directed to Jisung. Jisung didn't bother to fight back and just accepted all the beating.

Seungmin couldn't bear to watch the love of his life getting beaten. "P-Please don't hurt him anymore dad! I'm begging you!"

Meanwhile, Changbin who just got out of his class, came to halt when he saw what was happening in the hallway.

"How dare a useless music major bastard like you talk back to me?!" Another punch landed on Jisung's face, making his nose bleed. "You have no right to do that, you insignificant fool!"

"D-Dad please..." Seungmin held his father's shoulder to get him away from Jisung. "Just please s-stop this!"

His father pushed him away, making him land on the ground with a loud thud. "I'm still not yet done with you, you insolent child!"

"Seungmin!" Changbin came to Seungmin's aid and embraced him.

The now weak and badly Jisung was dropped on the floor.

"Serves you right for trying to associate yourself with my son who is far from your league." His father stepped on Jisung's stomach before turning to him. "Now, out of our way!" He pushed Changbin away from Seungmin and pulled him out from the scene.

Seungmin looked back at Jisung and smiled to assure him that there's nothing to worry about.

"Minnie..." Jisung mumbled and tried to get up despite the injuries he sustained.

"Where the hell are you going, Jisung?" Changbin went to him while the crowd began to walk away. "I have to take you to the infirmary!" 

But Jisung didn't care about his condition. All he wants is to see Seungmin and find out what is happening because who knows what his father might do to him.

"C-Changbin hyung, please bring me to Seungmin's house." Jisung pleaded as tears started forming at the corner of his eyes.

"Are you out of your mind?! Look at yourself! You have to get treated!"

"To hell with that! All I want is to see Seungmin! I can't leave him alone!" Jisung cried while pleading. "P-Please hyung..."

On the other hand, when Seungmin and his father reached their home, he was immediately dragged to his father's study area. Seungmin's mother and sister, who were clueless of what was happening, went after them with a puzzled expression.

"What is going on here?" Seungmin's sister inquired.

But their father didn't respond at that. Instead, he turned to look at Seungmin and slapped a folder on his face.

"What are you doing?! Stop it right this instant!" His mother interfered and went to Seungmin to embrace him. "You're hurting our son!"

With shaking hands, Seungmin looked at the file his father gave to him and felt his world go into an abrupt halt when he saw that it was a background check on Jisung. Every single details about his life was written there.

But how...

"See that, Seungmin? I had that fool investigated immediately!" His father spat. "This insolent child is having a love affair with a good for nothing music major student! Now, move away or else..."

"Or else what?! You'll hurt me too? Then do it!"

Seungmin's sister came to their side to defend them. "Dad just please... stop this."

"Shut up! Seungmin has to be punished for being a disgrace to this family!" His father pointed at him. "Not only did he messed up with his studies, but he also dated a useless fool who knows nothing but music!"

"I said don't call him that!" Seungmin spat with tears falling down from his eyes.

"And now you're disrespecting me? Is this what Han Jisung influenced you?! Hah! What a disgusting person he is!"

"Jisung is not that kind of person!" As soon as these came out of his mouth, he received another slap from him.

"That's enough!" Seungmin's mother yelled but his father did not budge at all.

"How dare you do this to me?! To our family?!"

"Why don't you just let Seungmin be with who he loves, dad?!" His sister retaliated and held Seungmin's swelling face.

"And then what?! Shame our family more? I won't let that happen! This child needs to learn his lesson."

His father then turned to look at him with so much anger in his eyes. "I'm sending you to Los Angeles to continue your studies so you wouldn't see that fool again and shame our family more!"

"Dad!" His sister was taken aback. "You can't be serious..."

Seungmin's eyes widened in horror. That means he'll be away from Jisung and he doesn't want to let that happen. Just the thought of it already wrecks his whole being.

"I'm not going anywhere! I won't leave Jisung! I love him!"

"Love? What a nonsense bullshit! Can't you see that he is not good for you? He is a distraction! Someone who is far from your league! A shame to you and our family!" His father said all of these with so much disgust. "Don't you get it? You don't belong together!"

"Is the family name and reputation the only thing that matters to you?!" His mother yelled with a hint of unshed tears in her eyes.

All this time, she had always been in the shadows of her husband. This is the first time she's going to speak out against him. She had been passive back when her daughter was experiencing the same predicament. But this time, she'll try to defend her son with all that she can do.

"Yes and I'll do whatever it takes to preserve it!"

"You're unbelievable..."

Seungmin's father was about to retaliate, but they were interrupted with a commotion coming from their gate. Turns out, it was Jisung demanding the guards and helpers to open the gate and let him see Seungmin.

"Let me in please! I have to see Seungmin!"

As soon as he heard this, Seungmin badly wants to go to Jisung and just run away with him but he knew better. He knows how powerful his father's influence is in the society and how far he can go just to make sure that everything goes according to his plan.

"Try going to him and I'll ruin his life." His father threatened. "He's a scholar in your university right?"

"Seungmin, are you there? Minnie!"

"Leave him alone!" Seungmin begged, fearing what his father might do.

"Dad, please just stop this! I'm begging you!" His sister pleaded, but to no avail.

"You'll go to Los Angeles and continue your studies there or I'll remove his scholarship from the university?"

"You can't be serious! Please don't make this any harder for Seungmin." His mother begged too as tears fell down from her eyes. "Just let our son live his life and be with the boy."

"You choose, son. Either you'll follow my orders or I'll ruin Jisung's life? You know I can do that."

"Seungmin!" Jisung is still outside of their gate, desperate to go and see him.

Seungmin clenched his fist, feeling powerless against his father. He knows that Jisung is working hard to provide his family a better future and if his scholarship were to be taken away from him... then he would be in a difficult situation. Seungmin doesn't want him to suffer more just because of his selfishness.

Jisung is the fire that gives light to his whole world, but he doesn't want to be the reason why his beloved will eventually burn into ashes. He couldn't afford to let that happen. Despite wanting to be selfish, he loves Jisung so much and all he wants for the one he loves is his happiness even if it'll mean suffering for him.

With a firm decision in his mind, he boldly spoke. "If I go to Los Angeles, will you still bother him and his family?"

His sister's eyes widened. "Kim Seungmin, what are you doi-" But she was cut off with their father's response.

"Of course not. If you leave immediately, I won't do any harm to him nor his family."

"Very well, then." It was the assurance that Seungmin needed for him to completely break his own heart and leave his happiness behind. "When do you want me to leave?"

"Son!" His mother interfered but it was too late. Seungmin already made up his mind.

It took a lot of courage for Seungmin to make this decision and the thought of letting go of his happiness hurts a lot. But for sure, it'll hurt more if he sees Jisung suffer because of him. He can't be selfish because that's not how love should be.

"Wise decision, son. You're set to leave tomorrow." His father said with a satisfied smile. "I'll be arranging everything for you, don't worry."

That was his father's last words before leaving the study area to arrange everything that is needed for Seungmin's flight tomorrow.

Once his father was already out of his sight, the tears that Seungmin's been suppressing fell down like there's no tomorrow.

"Seungmin..." His mother was about to embrace him, but his sister stopped her.

"Let's leave him alone for the mean time, mom."

Seungmin closed his eyes and let the tears fall down nonstop. "I-I don't want to leave everyone here, b-but... I'm d-doing this because I-I love him..."

"Son..."

"Mom... Noona... please don't let him know about all this." Seungmin asked as a favor. "Tell him that I-I didn't really l-loved him and he was only a p-past time..."

Lies.

The two looked at Seungmin with pity in their eyes. It hurts that they couldn't do anything about the situation and only nodded. They left him alone in the study area to give him space.

From the outside, he could still hear Jisung shouting and calling for him. Seungmin closed his eyes and covered his ears, face still brimming with tears. He doesn't want to see nor hear him anymore. 

"P-Please don't make this any harder for me..."

If this goes on, he might just forget everything and run to a far away place with Jisung.

"S-Stop. Just s-stop it, Jisung..."

The next day, Seungmin left Korea with a heavy heart and his happiness behind.

While living there, the only ones who could contact him were his mother, sister, and Changbin who was informed of what happened. He was forbidden to know about what's happening in Jisung's life except for the information that his father didn't do any more damage. Even Changbin was forbidden to tell him everything that happened while he was gone.

For the last 12 years, he did nothing but dedicate his time in finishing his degree in nursing, entered med school, did his internship, took the exam, finished his residency and fellowship to officially become a doctor and please his father. He made sure that he's occupied in all aspects of his life so he wouldn't think about Jisung and their memories together.

But no matter how much he tried, it was hard because all he could ever think about was Jisung. Despite the long distance and time that passed by, nothing ever changed. Seungmin's heart still and will always love a Han Jisung.

***

"Hello! Earth to Kim Seungmin!" Seungmin woke up from his reverie when Changbin snap his fingers and shout on his left ear. "We're here already!"

Seungmin felt something wet at the corner of his eyes and realized that he has been occupied with his and Jisung's memories the whole time.

He faked a cough. After that, he removed his seatbelt and stepped out of Changbin's car.

"Will you be alright, Minnie?" Changbin asked with concern laced in his voice.

Seungmin nodded and let out a deep sigh. After 12 long years, he'll finally see his father again and didn't know what to feel.

"I'll just drive and bring your luggages to your house."

"Alright, I'll tell noona about it. Thank you, Changbin hyung!"

"No problem! See you later, Seungmin! You owe me a samgyupsal!" Changbin said while starting the car's engines.

"I know! I didn't forget!" Seungmin managed to say before Changbin's car disappeared from his sight.

Bringing only his important things like wallet and phone with him, Seungmin discreetly entered the hospital. 

As soon as he got inside, the staffs recognized him as the son of the well known Dr. Kim's in the field of general surgeon who just became a doctor and bowed as a sign of courtesy.

"Oh Kim Seungmin! I heard you're already back from LA?" Dr. Hwang, along with his son who is a doctor as well, stumbled upon him in the hallway. "Does that mean you'll be working with us from now on?"

Seungmin nodded and smiled. "Yes, Dr. Hwang. But first, I have to talk to my father."

"Well then, congratulations. I'm looking forward to working with you." It was Dr. Hwang's son who said this.

"The pleasure's all mine." Seungmin nodded and bidded them goodbye. "Now, if you'll excuse me."

As they let him be, Seungmin resumed walking and then realized that taking the stairs might take a while. To avoid any more delays, he went to the nearest elevator and pressed the button of the last and topmost floor of the building.

Seungmin waited. Seconds passed and the door of the elevator slowly opened. His heart started to race when it revealed the person he missed the most and haven't seen for a very long time.

"Seungmin?"

"Jisung?"

They both said in unison.

Seungmin could feel his tears threatening to fall again. 12 long years of not seeing and having Jisung by his side was pure torture. There wasn't a day in his life that he didn't missed him. Right now, all he wants to do is to hug and kiss him endlessly.

Jisung welcomed him with a warm smile that Seungmin missed so much. After all this time, nothing's changed. He's still the same old Han Jisung that Seungmin have always loved.

"I can see that you're back now. How are you, Seungmin?"

Seungmin's heart hurts so bad. Jisung is already in front of him, but why does it feel like he's so far and out of reach? What's more painful is that he knows he couldn't do anything about it. After all, it was his decision to leave without any explanations, but he only did it for the sake of his beloved.

"I'm doing great, Jisung." Seungmin replied with a faint smile. "How about you?"

Jisung was about to answer him when Seungmin noticed that he turned his attention to something else or rather someone else.

"Minho hyung!" Jisung called with a smile as he stepped out of the elevator.

Seungmin turned to look at the person who brought that smile to Jisung's face and his heart ached even more. That was the smile he used to show to him back then but now...

"Did I make you wait long, hyung?" Jisung asked him.

"Not really, Sungie." Minho replied with a chuckle and messed up his hair.

Sungie.

Seungmin fought the urge to cry in front of the two. It hurts to see that there's already someone else who brings happiness to Jisung's life and it isn't him.

"Oh!" Jisung then turned to Seungmin with a smile. "Seungmin, I would like you to meet Minho hyung. My... boyfriend."

Boyfriend. But then, Jisung deserves to be happy with the person he's with. Something that Seungmin wasn't able to do back then because being with him only burned and gave him suffering.

Despite the pain, Seungmin still managed to smile and pretend that everything is fine as he shakes hand with Minho.

"It's nice to meet you, Minho hyung."

"And Minho hyung, meet Seungmin or rather Dr. Kim. He's an... old friend of mine."

An old friend. Oh yeah, that's what they are now. Nothing more, nothing less.

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Seungmin!" Minho said, all smiles.

Seungmin couldn't bear with the pain anymore so he pretended to look at his wrist watch and acted like he was in a hurry because of the time.

"Sorry to cut it short, but I have to get going." Seungmin faked a smile as he bidded them goodbye. "I-I'll see you around."

"Alright, take care. See you around!" Jisung waved him at him, his other hand on Minho's waist. "Welcome back, by the way."

The moment the elevator closed, the tears that Seungmin's been holding back all this time completely fell down from his eyes like there's no tomorrow.

Seeing the one he loves happy with someone else hurt a lot but he couldn't afford to be selfish. Not now when Jisung's already doing well. He deserves nothing but happiness in this lifetime and that happiness is something Minho can give to him.

At least, the sacrifice he made was all worth it.

If only he could turn back time and undo the things that happened in the past. but he knows that it's clearly impossible. After everything that happened between the two of them? Jisung didn't deserved someone like him who only brings nothing but pain and misfortune in his life.

Even when he still loves him, there's nothing he can do aside from accepting the fact that Jisung no longer feels the same way. Despite wanting it to be him again, he knows that it will only happen in his dreams from now on.

Seungmin wiped the tears from his face, but to no avail. He's hurting a lot but he knows that Jisung is happy with Minho and that's enough for him to embrace the pain in this lifetime.

"You're the fire that lights up my whole world as well as the fire that burns me to ashes, Jisung." Seungmin mumbled to himself.

The elevator opened and he stepped out of it while wiping his tears away.

It was a love that no fire can ever lit again. A love that completely lost its spark.

**Author's Note:**

> just an add up:  
(1). seungmin - nursing  
(2). jisung - music  
(3). changbin - architecture
> 
> i'm sorry for my not so well-written one-shot (it's been a while since i wrote one) especially the grammatical mistakes for english isn't my first language. thank you!


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